‘My husband is forcing me to uninvite my mum from our baby shower – I’m heartbroken’

Family meals are meant to be fun get-togethers so different generations can enjoy catching up and making plans for the future.

One woman’s family dinner did not go to plan, however, when all hell broke loose between her husband and her mum because of the husband’s behaviour towards a waitress.

The unnamed woman from the US took to Reddit’s ‘Am I The A**hole Forum’ to ask whether she was in the wrong because she’d taken her husband’s side, rather than her mum’s.

She wrote: “My mom, sister, and my sister-in-law have all been planning and organising my upcoming baby shower. Pretty much everything is done already and I honestly could not be more grateful to have such a loving bunch in my life caring about me, but here’s where things get complicated.

“So Thursday night, my parents offered to treat my husband and I to dinner at a new restaurant that opened up in the area. Full disclosure, my husband was in a mood even before we left so I offered to reschedule but he insisted that everything was fine and I was inventing an issue when there wasn’t one, so we went.

“He and my mom both started drinking immediately. My mom’s not a big drinker so she was giddy by her second glass of wine but she wasn’t exactly drunk either.

“My husband was hitting the wine pretty hard too but it didn’t matter much because he wasn’t driving so why not? Anyway, fast forward to the end of the dinner and my husband ‘jokingly’ snaps at the waitress to come over to our table. I was mortified.

“I was a waitress and I know exactly how it feels to be treated that way so when she came over, I apologised and told her we’d be making it up in the tip. That’s when the s**t hit the fan. My husband flipped his lid and told me after she walked away that I’d embarrassed him and made a big deal out of nothing.

“He was getting loud but I know him very well and know how to de-escalate his moods, which I was about to do when my mom stepped in and started yelling at him for yelling at me and treating the wait staff badly.

“After that and what started out as a great night quickly turned into one of the worst. My dad had to usher my mom away and my husband stormed out.

“My dad was covering the bill but I still left some money for the waitress and that only pissed my husband off even more. The rest of the night was literally just one enormous argument about how my family and I humiliated him. So the next day I tried to smooth things over because I’m just done with all the stress at this point and I probably would’ve made headway but my mom had left him a voicemail cursing him out and telling him that he’s a monster and he tells me that he wants her out of the shower.

“I argued at first because she paid for so much of it and I want her there but at the same time, he has a point. This is his baby too and if I told him I didn’t want someone at the shower, I’d have that right.

“It really broke my heart to tell her that she couldn’t be in it and it was only made worse by my sister calling me up and telling me off for making our mom cry when she’s done so much.

“Now she’s saying she’s not coming either and it’s a toss-up if my brother’s coming too. My heart is shattered but I can’t shake this feeling like I don’t really have the right to tell my husband that his feelings don’t matter when it comes to our baby and I don’t want to shut him out. I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.”

People were confused as to why the person who posted on the thread took her husband’s side.

“Your husband is awful, keep your mom”, one jibed.

Someone wrote: “You knew your husband was rude to the waitress and even felt you needed to tip her more. You said you are very grateful for your mom for putting together a great shower. Your mom knew how rude your hubby was being and quite frankly she saw red flags and that’s why she reacted.

“Very rarely should you support your mom over your hubby – but this feels like she is on your side even when you can’t be on your own side. You will need her, it’s clear you both love each other. Your husband isn’t worth tearing this relationship up. I predict you will have your mom in your life waaaay longer than hubby.

“PS – when you are pregnant is when men tend to show their true colours because you are weak. Please listen to who they are because they tell the truth.”

“I think the word is thrown around too often here, but it sounds as though he’s abusive. She’s making far too many excuses for him”, another suggested.

An unimpressed Redditor wrote: “Great job defending an obnoxious drunken jerk! It’s good that your husband gets in these ‘moods’ often enough that you have an established method for managing his reactions.

“He’s only a grown man, it’s not like has should have the ability to, I don’t know, regulate his own emotional responses, not be rude to the point of needing to buy off waitstaff, and yell at you for trying to shield others from his tantrums.”